Ever wondered how your school subjects would be like if they were actually people? Well, today’s post shall attempt to personify them in a way you and I could imagine. So……let’s get into this, shall we?
English: *in a restaurant* Excuse me, waiter. Uh……I’d like to order a plate of paper thin rice and lentil pancakes, which is tantalizingly crispy that encloses a delicious side of boiled potatoes and sauteed vegetables like a cozy cocoon, along with a bowl of green peanut gravy joined by an accompaniment of spices. Oh, and I also want a glass of mango buttermilk that makes your taste-buds sing for a week.
*le waiter, who’s unamused* So……you want one plate of masala dosa with chutney and mango lassi?
2nd Language: I’ll teach you how to throw shade at others in no time…….but first, let’s get through some awesome grammar rules that’ll leave you scratching your head in confusion. Hey, don’t roll your eyes at me! Do you want to be a pro or not?
Geography: Look at how beautiful these mountains are. Look at how pristine these glaciers and rivers are. Look at how undulating these plateaus are. Don’t you think these countries and their states and capitals are great?
If that’s the case, then why on earth did you even go to Greenland instead of Canada?! Why did you give Antarctica a whole new forest?! Was I not good enough for you or you really didn’t care about me at all? Back to the drawing board, buckaroo! I won’t leave you until you get every crevice and shallow lake drilled into your brain.
History: C’mon kids, I’m not that boring despite what you learned. I gave you so many cool architectural wonders and gems in the performing and visual arts. Heck, I even gave you the origin of maths, science and freaking philosophy! I hold many stories about the infinite changes in society for a long time. I’m supposed to be fun and interesting, not the stereotypical “boring subject about dead people and dates that’ll make you sleep”!
*glances around, and then says in a sing song voice* I’ve been subjected to so many secrets and conspiracy theories that’ll make you question everything about life. Want to know more about it? Grab some popcorn kids. I’m gonna show you exactly what I mean.
Physics: If the air resistance is neglected, value of gravity be 10 m/s² and the sailing ship has a kinetic energy of 250 J, then I must tilt this bucket of water and ice with specific heat capacitiy of 4.187 kJ/kgK and latent heat of 80 cal/g to an angle of 60 degrees to ensure maximum efficiency of this task.
*proceeds to dunk the whole bucket of water on a sleeping person and watches the whole reaction* Huh, the efficiency is only 95%? Maybe I should’ve taken the value of g as 9.8 m/s². Dang it, I should’ve tilted it at 45 degrees!
Chemistry: Oh, what’s that? You love to eat sugar free food? Well guess what: it contains sugar substitutes. So you’re basically eating some form of sugar. You want to clean the pool? Well, here’s something that’ll do the job but will irritate your skin for a while. Oh, so you’re doing a titration and you’ve got a good titre value? Shame if I ruin it by dropping the base.
I’m not annoying, I’m just built that way. Besides, you love all of the colours I produce, right?
Biology: Guys, stop following the 5 second rule! The food will still be contaminated with bacteria anyways, so it’s useless. No, don’t eat that undercooked steak/vegetable stew! Don’t you know you’ll introduce an unwanted friend into your system?! Seriously guys, why can’t you follow basic protocol? Why must we make things easy for the microbes and other lower organisms??
*proceeds to decontaminate the whole room in a hazmat suit*
Maths: *random person* Why are we even doing this question? What’s the whole purpose of algebra if we aren’t gonna use it in real life.
*maths, who really doesn’t care at this point* Shut up and solve for x, and don’t ask me why. Yes, those 12,400 watermelons and the mass of the sun are necessary for the question. You’ve got exactly 5 minutes to solve this while I carefully measure the angle and hypotenuse of this club sandwich.
So far, that’s all I have. Lemme know in the comments which one’s your favourite, and which subjects you guys had back in school.
Until then, fellow readers! SS is out for now.
– Silver Stone